


Marrying You

by chooken



Series: Keeping You [9]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Acceptance, Best Man, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Cake, Champagne, Established Relationship, Family, First Kiss, Fluff, Friendship, Internal Conflict, Just Married, Kissing, Limousine Sex, Love, M/M, Marckian, Marcky, Multi, Nervousness, Play Fighting, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Reminiscing, Same-Sex Marriage, Toasting, True Love, Weddings, best man speech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:02:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3567251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chooken/pseuds/chooken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's finally the big day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Marrying You

Shane couldn't find Nicky.

Not that he'd looked that hard yet. He'd only just discovered that Nicky was missing, insofar as he wasn't where Shane expected him to be, which was in the bedroom putting on the tux draped over the bed. It was quite a nice tux, well tailored, not at all like the cheesy ones they always wore on television or at concerts. Black, with a thin blue pinstripe up the trousers, the same colour piped into the seams of the jacket. Mark's was more or less the same. Shane had seen Nicky in it the night before, when he'd done a last try-on, and he had to admit his friend cut quite the dashing figure in it.

Now, though, it was on the bed, looking tidy but unworn. Shane checked the bathroom. It was empty, Nicky's wet towel on the floor, his boxer shorts in the sink. He rolled his eyes, scooped the towel up and hung it up over a quite handy towel rack that Nicky had apparently missed, then went over to open the window, dispersing the steam that had accumulated. The floor was still wet, so Nicky couldn't long be gone.

He heard laughter. Peered out the window to look, smiling when he saw Nicky dashing across the lawn, Nicole chasing him. He'd stop, let her catch up, then run in the other direction. Shane watched them for a moment, enjoying the eternally simple joy of his daughter giggling, then squealing with joy when Nicky ran back towards her and scooped her up, tickling her. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, not at all what he should be clad in considering they were supposed to be at the church in less than two hours.

“Shane?” His wife poked her head in the door. Shane smiled, watching her try to walk around a baby that he was less than two months from meeting. She looked fantastic, though admittedly he was biased. He always thought she looked fantastic. “Zip me up?” She gestured down at her dress. It was loose. She'd bought it weeks ago, and overcompensated a bit for the size, just in case. He gave her a hand, accepting a kiss on the cheek when she was done. “Thanks. Nicky's outside with Nicole.”  
  
“I know. I saw.” He held her back at arms length, smiling. “Stunner, you are.”  
  
“Shay...” She blushed slightly, looking down at the pink material, tented by the expanding belly. “Go get Nicky ready, yeah? He's going to be late.”

“I know.” Shane sighed. “You know what he's like.” She did. They both did. Impulsive, totally scatterbrained at the best of times. Probably one of the biggest hearts in the world. He'd known Kian and Mark longer, but Nicky was his best friend. A stupid, cheeky ball of energy that had always made Shane laugh louder than he'd ever thought possible. He knew they hadn't been as close lately, not with the wedding absorbing all Nicky's time, but they still hung out backstage, mucked around in the studio when he wasn't fighting for attention with Mark and Kian.

He understood. He did. Mark and Nicky had always been a thing, that wasn't even a question. Wrapped up in each other, snogging at random inappropriate times just because they couldn't keep their hands off each other a moment longer, giggling together over private jokes that nobody but them could possibly understand. They'd been like that since the beginning, since Shane had noticed the furtive looks Mark was giving Nicky. The blushing smiles. Sitting on the tour bus listening to Bryan snore and watching Mark sit way too close to Nicky. The looks Shane had gotten when he and Nicky had roomed together. Mark had wanted his own room, anyway, so he could leave the telly on all night, but Shane suspected it was more than that. That Mark had some stuff he needed to sort out on his own. Feelings and emotions he wasn't ready to share yet. And Shane had let him be, been the supportive friend when he was needed, tried to act surprised when Mark had finally come out with it.

Nicky hadn't acted surprised. He'd just stood up, crossed the room, and hugged Mark tight, kissing his hair, and Shane had seen Mark tense, then relax. All the stress, the panic, the insecurity bleeding out of him in a moment. Because that was what Nicky did for him. It was what they had always done for each other. And then a few months later, Shane had caught the two of them kissing. Not making out, or doing anything particular pornographic, just standing in Mark's hotel room when Shane had gone to remind them that the van was here to take them to the radio station. Nicky's arms around Mark's neck, his closed lips pressed to Mark's while the younger boy put one hand on the blonde's hip, the other on his cheek.

And then Shane had coughed. And they'd both blushed, a small, proud smile crossing Mark's face for half a moment before he'd followed Nicky out the door.

But it had been fine. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't been worried, there at the beginning. If they'd break up, or if the eventual publicity might kill them. Then Bryan had quit, and things had suddenly seemed a little less important. They'd weathered that storm, become closer than ever, and it became clear in fairly short order that the best they could do was love each other, accept each other, make sure their personal lives were taken care of so they didn't implode from unhappiness like Bryan had. So Nicky and Mark had come out. Not in a grand statement or anything, they just hadn't bothered to hide it any more. Shane could still remember being on a talk show, one of those late night comedy ones, and the host had asked whether it was true that they were a couple, and Nicky had taken Mark's hand and said yes, and he was very happy. And Mark had looked down at their linked hands, blushed, and smiled. That sweet, proud smile Shane had seen the first time they'd kissed.

And Shane had been glad for them.

“You got your speech done?”  
  
“Sort of.” He took a deep breath, knowing she could see his nervousness. It had been almost impossible to write. How did you sum up how they were with each other? What they meant to each other? He'd tried to take examples from his own life, but that seemed to cheapen it. They weren't the same. He loved Gillian. She was his life. His everything. Mark and Nicky didn't love each other more, or less, but it was different. They had a fire, a way they stalked around each other like they were trying to figure out which one was going to pounce first. A comfort and respect and sweetness that was overwhelming at the best of times. Shane knew it well – the simple, heartstopping joy of watching TV together, going for a drive, having a couple of drinks and making out on the couch. He knew what love was, knew he had it. But Nicky and Mark loved each other... differently.

“You want me to read it over?”  
  
Shane shook his head. It was in his pocket, scribbled on a piece of paper with plenty of crossouts and amendments. He hadn't known what to say. There was too much about them you couldn't air in public. Too many stories that were too precious to share. Stupid, idiotic moments that he needed to belong to the four of them without exception. He'd gone simple, in the end, said how he felt about them. That they made more sense than anyone he'd ever met, even when they were making no sense at all. That he was completely honoured to have been asked. Because Nicky was his best friend, and he was so ridiculously happy for them he didn't know how to express it.

That he was glad that they could still make him a part of their lives, even as Kian had become more to them. As the three of them had closed themselves off a little bit, made themselves this weird unit of something that Shane didn't quite understand. He knew it wasn't just the sex, but his head couldn't wrap around it. The idea of sharing your heart with more than one person. They'd hidden it, at the beginning, and that had hurt the most, but Shane understood. It was the thing he most understood, out of this thing they'd been doing. This thing he'd thought was some sort of game but had managed to last for two years.

He wondered, idly, what Kian's speech would say.

He headed downstairs just as Nicky came back in, Nicole tagging behind him, her little arms locked around his knee.

“Morning.” Nicky grinned, reaching down to mess up her hair. “Guess what?”

“You're... getting married today?” Shane picked her up, feeling himself swell with fondness when she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a clumsy, wet kiss.

“I'm getting married today!”

“No way.” Shane laughed, watching him begin to brush wet grass off his feet onto the hardwood floor. He winced, making a mental note to discreetly get the dustpan out when Nicky wasn't looking. Nicole was struggling, so he put her back down, watching her run over to cling to Gillian's skirt. She was standing in front of the hall mirror, fixing her make-up. “But if you're going to do that, you'll have to get a move-on.”

“You'll get me there on time.” Nicky assured him. “That's what you're for.” He leaned over, giving Shane a quick, unexpected hug. “Thanks Shay.”

“For what?”  
  
“You're my best mate. There's a reason for that.” He smiled, pulling back and holding him at arms length. “It's been a really weird ride, and I'm glad you've been with me on it, yeah? I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather have as my best man.”

“Nix...” Shane felt himself blush a little bit, looked away to hide the fact that his eyes had just pricked with surprised tears. “I... thanks. You too.” Nicky hugged him again, then let go, dashing for the stairs with a cheeky smile.

“Can't talk now, Shane! Running late!”

 

*

 

The car came, and they managed to get in, eventually. Nicky couldn't find his socks. Then his hair wasn't right. Then he had to be dragged away from texting on his phone. Shane knew he was texting Mark. He didn't much mind himself, but Nicky and Mark had decided to do the whole 'twenty four hours before the wedding' thing off their own backs, and they'd barely managed to last five. They'd been quietly watching TV the night before when Nicky's phone had rung and he'd disappeared into the kitchen for almost a hour. They'd caught snatches of conversation, but it wasn't anything particularly stimulating, mostly along the lines of 'I love you', followed swiftly by 'I love you more'. Gillian had rolled her eyes fondly, and smiled at Nicky when he'd come back out, his face all flushed and swoony like he was drunk.

“How's my tie?”  
  
“It's fine.” Shane reached over, straightening up his collar. “You're not getting married for over an hour. Let's get there, figure out where you have to be, and we'll worry about your outfit later.” Nicky's pocket buzzed, and he pulled out his phone again.

“Hey. I know! Today!” He squealed, making Gillian laugh. “How are you? Are you there yet? No, I'm about ten minutes away. No, I...” He giggled giddily, his cheeks blushed. “I love you more. Yes. Shut up, I do.” He bit his lip. Shane gestured, reaching out for Nicky's phone. Nicky stared at his hand, pouting, then turned back to the phone. “Shane wants to talk to you. Yeah, well, I don't know. How's Kian?” He paused, brushing Shane's hand away. “Give him a kiss for me. Okay. I love you. No, I love you more. Here's Shane.”

“Hey Marky.” Shane rolled his eyes when Nicky stared excitedly at him, as though he could somehow crawl through the phone and into Mark's lap.

“Hey Shane.” Mark sounded good. Happy. He was always more measured than Nicky, not so giggly and excitable, but Shane could hear it there. The nervous, slightly trembling lilt to his voice, like he got when he was asked a difficult question on the telly, or right before he stepped out on stage for a big gig. “What's up?”

“Nothing. But you're getting married in like an hour so stop talking on the phone.” Mark made a huffy, inconvenienced sigh, and Shane laughed. He heard talking in the back ground, Kian's voice, and then...

“Mark! What are you doing? Get off the phone!”

“But...”

There was the sound of the phone being fumbled, and then...

“Nicky, I told you last night. Fuck off.”  
  
“Hey, Kian.”

“Shane?” Kian laughed. “Sorry, mate. I saw him on the phone and just assumed...”

“You assumed right.” Shane shook his head, glancing at Nicky, who was biting his lip and staring out the window, his knees bouncing in the confined space of the backseat. Gillian was across from them, Nicole beside her in her carseat. It had been a bit of a shit finding a towncar with a child seat, but they'd managed it. Nicky had insisted, wanting them all to travel in together in style. “I just took it off him. They haven't stopped texting all bloody morning.”  
  
“Just a sec.” Kian sighed. Then, muffled: “Mark! Have you been texting Nicky?”

There was a slight pause.

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

“...yes.”

Kian came back. “That's what I thought. We're already here. He's fluttering about trying to get dressed, and this isn't helping. How far away are you?”

“Ten minutes?”

“Okay, see you soon.” He was already scolding Mark in the background when the call cut out.

“How is he?” Nicky asked, already turning back. “Is he okay?”

“He's fine. He's there already.” Shane assured him, laughing when Nicky began to chew his fingernails. “Calm down.”

“Can't.” Nicky grinned, an open, honest grin that radiated nothing but pure happiness. “I'm marrying Mark today.”

 

*

 

Kian was standing outside, leant against the wall when they arrived. He helped Nicky find his dressing room, and Shane happily offloaded him into a wall of family members and groomsmen that were crammed in the doorway. Nicky's mother was crying already, and his sister was squealing and hugging him repeatedly like she couldn't believe he was here. They went out into the hall to check on things and get a bit of peace and quiet. It was nice. Not a chapel or anything, but it was decked out beautifully. Not as sombre as a church, just kind of cheerful and bright, lots of yellow and blue. There was hardly anybody inside yet – close family were in with Nicky or Mark, and everybody else was starting to show up slowly, a growing crowd milling outside. Lots of people. He was glad it was a big hall, a beautiful spacious room with a high ceiling and rows upon rows of chairs.

They sank into two of them toward the front, Kian leaning his head back and sighing.

“How you doing?”

“Yeah. Fine.” Kian looked up, a small smile starting to edge over his face. “Mark's been driving me mad. You know, for a change.”  
  
“Don't get me started on Nicky.” Shane rolled his eyes. “I can't believe it, honestly. Seems like Mark was only proposing yesterday.”

“Tell me about it.” Kian leaned forward, resting his face in his hands. Shane bent with him, sitting parallel so they could still talk. “Like, I know they've been together forever, but this feels...” He shook his head. “...I dunno. Like it's real, all of a sudden. Like it's concrete, you know? The two of them.”

“Yeah.” Kian was looking at his feet, and Shane felt his stomach roll at the lost look there. He didn't know much about their relationship, outside of what he'd been told, but this couldn't be easy. Watching two people you loved marry each other. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Kian nodded. “Yeah. It's funny, I...” He looked around quickly, making sure there was no-one to overhear them, then ducked back down to talk to Shane. “I thought I'd be more upset, but I'm really happy for them.” He smiled, a genuine smile that eased Shane's heart a little. “I know you see them. You know what they're like. They're sickening, but...” He shook his head. “You don't know, not really. Honestly, they're perfect for each other. It's overwhelming sometimes. They just absorb each other. It's...” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, Shane was surprised to see tears standing in his eyes.

“Kian?”

“Sorry. Um...” Kian wiped his eyes, a trembling smile skating across his mouth. “If I tell you something, will you keep it to yourself? Like, not even Gillian? Just between us, yeah?”

“Of course.” Shane put a hand on his shoulder. Felt the tense energy there, under the black jacket Kian was wearing. They were colour-coded, Mark's side in black, Nicky's side in blue. “Is everything okay?”

“It is.” Kian looked at him, his eyes wet but determined. “It will be. I'm...” He swallowed. “I think I'm going to leave them. While they're on honeymoon.” He nodded to himself, and Shane got the sudden feeling that this was the first time he'd said it out loud, that he'd just confirmed it to himself. “Okay.” He breathed, resting his chin back in his hands. “So that's out there, then.”

“Oh.” Shane tried to think of what to say, came up with nothing. “Why?”

“Because they've got each other, you know?” Kian bit his lip. “I love them. I love them so fucking much it hurts, but I don't think I'm ever going to be...” He closed his eyes, taking a shuddering, shallow breath. “Sorry. Fuck. I think I knew I wasn't there forever. I never was. But it was nice to pretend for a bit. Like, they're amazing. I can honestly say I had them for a while. They were mine. They loved me. But they don't need me any more and I have to... I have to move on. I have to find someone that wants me. Just me. I don't feel needed, not any more.”

He looked up, and Shane followed his gaze to the altar, the spot where in less than an hour Kian would be losing both of them. “I won't make a thing of it, you know? We've got a year off. I'll just pack up some of my stuff and go travelling, I think. Spend some time by myself. Have a fling, maybe, see how that goes. Or maybe not. I don't know. Just go somewhere and figure out...” He spread his hands, as though feeling for the answer. “And then when I get back I'll see how I feel. Maybe they'll still need me, but honestly I don't think...” The tears sprang back to his eyes. “I don't think they will.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.” Kian sat back up, leaning back in his chair. “Seriously, don't tell them. It's their day. Nicky will be gutted, and I don't want to...” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a tissue to wipe his eyes and nose. “It sounds awful, it does, but I'm so in love with Mark it hurts. I don't want to get in the way.”

“Have you told him that?”

“He knows.” Kian smiled. “We've said it enough. I know you think we're mad, but it's not just the sex. I mean, the sex is...” He chuckled. “It's pretty amazing. Fuck, I could tell you stories.”

“Please don't.” Shane joked. Kian snorted, his eyes starting to light up with affectionate laughter.

“Don't worry. That's just for me.” Kian swallowed, his hand going to his heart like he was trying to hold it in. “It was us. It was love, you know? Like, your best friend and your lover all in one go. And they're that for each other now, and I feel like I need to find that for myself. And if I don't, maybe I'll come back. Shit, I'm not even gay.”

“No?” Shane was surprised. He'd just assumed...

“No. I don't think I am. I was just madly in love with two people who happened to be...” Kian shook his head. “Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say I haven't taken it up the arse.” His cheeks were going a little pink now, his voice getting quieter and more secretive. “Fuck, Shane, you don't _know_. But I don't know that I'd want that from anyone else. It sounds weird, but I think they've spoiled me for other lads. Because nobody could ever be...”

“Kian.” They both turned around at the familiar voice, Shane smiling when he saw his wife standing in the aisle. “Mark's asking after you.”

“I'll be there in a minute.” He nodded, turning back to surreptitiously wipe his eyes. “Sorry for offloading on you.” Kian murmured, once Gillian was out of earshot.

“It's fine.” Shane reached out, pulling Kian into a hug. It was odd, but he couldn't help thinking of Mary Poppins. Maybe it was that Nicole had been wearing the DVD into nothing lately, kept racing around the house trying to sing Supercalifraglisticexpialidocious to the point where he heard it in his dreams, but...

“Mary Poppins.”

“What?”

“You know. There when you need her, but once you realise you want her...”

“She's gone. Yeah. I get you.” Kian stood up. “Except they wanted me.” He dusted off his suit, working out the wrinkles. His tissue disappeared into his pocket again. “I was wanted, and it was amazing.” He pulled Shane into a quick hug. “I'll see you up there.”

Shane nodded, watching Kian disappear down the aisle.

Then he went to see if Nicky needed calming down.

 

*

 

The ceremony went off without a hitch. They'd written their own vows, and they were lovely and heartfelt, Mark's voice trembling a little with nerves throughout, but delivering them in a straightforward, confident way that made Shane suspect that there was nobody else in the room for him. They held hands through the whole thing, kissing twice before they were even technically supposed to, once when they got to the altar and saw each other, and Nicky had pulled Mark into a hug straight away, making a surprised laugh ripple around the room until they had to separate to actually get the ceremony under way.

Then Nicky had stumbled a little during his vows. Just for a moment, but he'd teared up and Mark had bent in to peck him lightly on the mouth, rubbing their noses together, and Nicky had laughed, smiled, wiped his eyes and kept going.

Then there had been rings, and they'd kissed properly, Nicky's fingers in Mark's hair, and it was over. Shane had glanced over at Kian, seen nothing but a fond smile on his face. He didn't understand. He really didn't. But there was too much love in the room to focus on it, not with his own wife sitting in the second row, his daughter stood on the chair next to her to see, all hyped up after dumping handfuls of rose petals in the aisle.

Then they were waving the limo off, and Kian was joining them in the car on the way to the reception, his eyes smiling. Shane reached out, putting a hand on his knee.

“They did well.”  
  
“They did.” Kian nodded. “It was lovely.”

“If you need anything...”

“I know. Thank you.” Kian reached over to play with Nicole, and Shane let him, not knowing what to say.

 

*

 

The reception venue was enormous. Which was probably just as well, because it appeared everyone Nicky or Mark had ever met was crammed in here, inside a huge glass building that overlooked the river, the ceiling lit up with delicate chandeliers. He found his seat at the main table, got Gillian and Nicole settled, then went to poke around, snagging a cute little noodle cup off a tray on the way. They were delicious, with little peanuts in them and sweet chilli, and he grabbed another one on his way around the back of the room, smiling at people he knew, trying to separate Sligo folk from Dublin folk from celebrities. He waved at Ronan, but he was caught up being accosted by an excitable cousin of Nicky's, who seemed to be making him sign every napkin she could lay her hands on. Louis and Simon were drinking champagne in the corner, talking in low, serious voices that made Shane suspect they were doing business.

Mark and Nicky showed up not long after, accepting a round of applause and sinking down into their seats. Shane joined them, laughing when he realised they were a bit rumpled.

“How was the car ride?”

“Erm... fine.” Mark blushed, glancing furtively at Nicky, who gave him a cheeky pout. “Got a bit held up.”  
  
“Really? There was no traffic.” Shane deadpanned. “Was there an accident or something?”

“Er... you could say that.” Nicky reached under the table, his hand stroking Mark's knee. They'd barely even looked at Shane, couldn't keep their eyes off each other. “Had to pull over for a minute.”

Kian sat down on their other side, stared at them for a second, then burst out laughing.

“You shagged in the limo!” He accused. Mark blushed even harder, leaning into the arm Nicky put around his shoulder.

“So what if we did?” Nicky asked, kissing Mark's forehead. “I just got married. I wasn't waiting until tonight to consummate the thing.” He shifted slightly in his chair, looking uncomfortable in a way Shane _really_ didn't want to think about. “Who says you stop having sex when you get married?”  
  
“Um... second pregnancy?” Gillian indicated her belly, making Mark laugh. “We've done it at least twice.”  
  
“At least.” Shane agreed, feeling his heart swell like he always did when he looked at her. She stood up.

“Going to pee.” She announced. Shane watched her go, Nicole skipping along behind her.

Food came. It was nice. He'd forgotten what he'd chosen, but apparently it was the chicken, and he helped Nicole cut up her own, smiling at all the people who wandered up to the table to wish the happy couple well. The parents were at the table as well, talking amongst each other, as well as the groomsmen, who Shane hadn't seen since that night he'd ended up projectile vomiting in his own bathroom while Nicky rabbited on in his ear about missing engagement rings that had ended up being in his pocket all along.

The room was warm, and after dessert he popped outside for some fresh air, heading over when he saw Mark tucked in the corner, looking like he was trying to be inconspicuous while he had a cigarette.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Mark breathed out a lungful of smoke. “You found me.”

“You hiding?”

“Not exactly.” He smiled, leaning back against the railing. The water below was dark, the balcony lamps striking golden ripples off the surface. Shane watched them move, breathing in the smoke Mark was exhaling and trying to remember that he definitely didn't smoke any more. Terrible habit. Disgusting. Hated it. “Just taking a minute. It's all a bit...” He gestured vaguely. “Shit, I can't believe we even know this many people.”

“Bit much?”

“No, it's perfect.” He smiled, his eyes sparkling. “I guess it's just weird to think. Like, I was seventeen, and I knew maybe thirty people, most of them my relatives, and now there's a room full of people watching me get married. I was listening to Boyzone in my bedroom, and now they're at my wedding.” He took another drag, then stubbed out the cigarette, leaning back to blow a white cloud into the air above him.

“It's mad.” Shane agreed. He tried not to think about it too often, it was too overwhelming. But sometimes he did just take it out and look at it. Realise how lucky he was. Not just the fame and the career, but his family. The comfort, the security. He didn't know what he'd do if it all fell apart. But it was too hard to believe in without thinking there was some kind of catch.

“I've been in love with him since I was eighteen. I know it's awful, but when the other lads...” Mark sighed. “When Nicky and Bryan got chosen over them, I didn't feel that bad. Because Nicky...”

“I get ya.” Shane smiled. “It's all worked out, though.”

“It has.” Mark grinned, his feet shuffling awkwardly on the boards under their feet. “I'm really, really stupidly happy. I can't wait for tomorrow, you know? So we can be married for a whole day. And then the day after, we can be married for two days. And just... on like that. It sounds daft.”

“No.” Shane lifted his hand, tilting his wedding ring so Mark could see it. The light caught it, making it shine. “I know. I do.” He dropped his hand again. “So what about Kian, then?”

“What about him?”

“Just...” He had to ask. He was too curious not to. “Like you two are married now. Is Kian still...” He gestured, trying to find the words. “The thing you've got going on. Is that still happening?”

“Kian can stay as long as he wants.” Mark said. “We love him. He'll always be a part of our lives.”

“But?”

“But nothing.” Mark shrugged. “It's up to him, really. I'll be gutted if he goes. Honestly. He's my best friend. My boyfriend, or whatever. But I won't stand in his way if he wants something else. I love him too much. But I don't want him to go. He's ours.”

“And Nicky?”

“I chose Nicky. Nicky chose me.” Shane saw Mark's eyes light up when he said it, in a way they didn't when he spoke about Kian. “I'm so fucking happy, Shane. You've got no idea. I can't...” He shook his head. “God, that sounds really conceited. I know we're not the only couple in the world. It's just hard to remember that. When I look at him...”

“I know.” Shane laughed, reaching out to touch his friend's shoulder. “I need to make a speech in a minute, so I hope you're drunk.”

“No, not really.” Mark gestured to the half-full glass of champagne perched on the railing. “I think I've been nursing that one for about an hour. I don't want to...” He laughed, going a little red. “Yeah, okay, we shagged in the cab, but when we get home I want... it. All of it. I don't want to be drunk. I want to be able to remember everything, so I can...”

“Marky?”

“Hey Nix.” They both looked up at the blonde head poking out through the balcony door. “Sorry, just having a smoke.”

“It's cool. We're about to do speeches and cake.” Nicky sidled over, tucking himself in against Mark's side like he belonged there. Shane stepped back, giving them a little space. “Really fucking happy.”

Mark snorted a laugh, kissing Nicky gently. They got lost for a minute, the kiss becoming deeper as Nicky's arms would around Mark's waist, tugging them close. Shane began to back away, getting the distinct feeling he'd been forgotten. They broke apart after a moment, though, their foreheads leaning together.

“Love you.” Mark breathed. Nicky nodded, leaning into him.

Shane headed back inside.

 

*

 

“Hey... um...” Shane dinged a fork on his glass. The band stopped. It was a good band, sort of alternative in a really cool punk-pop sort of way that shouldn't have worked but did. They were playing obvious wedding standards, but with an edge that had the whole room up and dancing. The whole room that was now staring at him, standing behind the table and holding a microphone somebody had thrust into his hand. He glanced at Gillian, who was nodding encouragingly.

“Speech!” Someone yelled out.

“Oh, thanks. Cheers.” He laughed, reaching into his pocket for the paper he'd crumpled up, staring at it for a second. It didn't seem like enough, all of a sudden. “Erm... so hi. I'm Nicky's best man...” He swallowed, smoothing out the paper in his hand. “I met Nicky when I was nineteen. I was...” He laughed, glancing at his friend, who was smiling encouragingly. “I was this country kid. No idea about anything. I just wanted to sing. To be famous. And then I met Nicky and he was so cool. He was from the city, and he'd been outside of Ireland on his own. I thought he was the coolest person I'd ever met. You know, just me and Kian and Mark, a couple of farmers, thinking we could be something, maybe. But Nicky... he knew he could be something. He believed in us right from the start.”

He cleared his throat, feeling tears touch his eyes. “So yeah, and then we became friends. And when I was scared or worried or just missing home, I'd go find Nicky and he'd tell me that everything was going to be fine. And he was right. He's my best friend. He inspires me. Because he's mad and spontaneous and totally stubborn, and he knows what he wants. And then a couple of years later I found out he wanted Mark.” There was a ripple of laughter. Shane grinned, reaching out to touch the back of Mark's head, resisting the urge to ruffle meticulously styled hair.

“And at first I was surprised, you know, but then I saw them together and...” He caught Kian's eye. Got a smile back. A genuine one that went all the way to blue, conflicted eyes. “I mean, small town, right? But it was hard to think anything else, once I realised how right they are for each other. We've all grown up together, but they've grown into each other. I'm so proud of them. I feel like they've helped me live my dreams for ten years. I have everything I always wanted, but I think they're each other's dream, and if in some small way I've helped them in return, then that's the most I can ask for. Even if it was a bit weird catching them making out in the green room at SMTV.” There was another babble of laughter, and Mark blushed a little bit while Nicky laughed.

“But if you've ever met them, you know that's what they're like. All wrapped up in each other, like nothing else exists. I know I've felt invisible a few times...” He trailed off, feeling a lump rise in his throat. A hand patted his, and he looked down to watch Nicky wink at him. Mark reached around too, his hand brushing the back of Shane's, then squeezing, comforting. “But I've never for a second not loved them. They've always been there for me, when things are going wrong and I don't know what to do, and somehow they open up that little bubble they live in and make room for me. For anyone who needs them. Like they've got too much love, and it has to spill over somehow. I'm proud to have been a part of that.” He squeezed their joined hands, caught Kian's eye again. “I love them so much. Kian as well. All three of you have been the best part of my life... after my wife of course!”

He turned, leaning down to kiss Gillian's hair, waving off the playful scowl to the sound of giggles and jeers.

“Sorry, god, I'll get the slap for that when I get home.” He cleared his throat again. “It's been mad, it's been a strange, terrifying, amazing rollercoaster, but they've been the one constant. When things didn't work, they did. When things were good, they were even better. They've taken everything the world's thrown at them, and never for a second have I doubted that they loved and respected each other. In a weird way, I believe in them. That if things are bad, I can know that they'll never stop loving each other, that some things are just meant to be.

“I feel like, as much as Nicky believed in us, I believe in them. I can't see any way they don't work. That they don't fit together. They make me sure that some things will just work out, even if they don't always make sense on paper. Even if I can't understand it. I... I'm really honoured that you chose me as your best man, because you mean so much to me, I'm glad I meant something to you too...” He trailed off, not knowing what else to say. “Anyway, I've had a few and I'm about to start rambling. So... to Nicky and Mark.”

Drinks were raised, a sea of glasses, shining in the soft light.

“Nicky and Mark.”

There were other speeches after that. Friends, family. Kian hadn't done his yet, seemed to pass on the microphone every time it came past, smiling tightly and shaking his head. Nicky was getting more excitable, was laughing and talking to everyone, doing laps of the room in between speeches and hugging people. Mark was caught up with an impressive amount of family members, who all seemed to look startlingly like him. Shane couldn't say he was surprised – his brothers looked more like twins, and there was obviously a strong gene for dark hair and red cheeks somewhere along the line. Nicole started to fidget and get cranky, so Gillian took her over to the kids table to talk to someone more her own age. The tablecloth was a large sheet of paper, and there were crayons out, so that gave her something to do, and he went over a few times to check on her artwork, smiling at a picture of two stick figures holding hands, the vague scribbled outline of black suits drawn heavily over the top of them, one with yellow straw hair.

“Shane.”

He looked up. Kian was standing there, his face nervous and drawn. He glanced at Nicole's drawing, and for a second, Shane saw a smile flit across his face.

“Hey. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Kian nodded. “Look, I'm sorry about this morning.”

“Oh.” Shane shrugged, smiling when he saw the way Kian was shifting anxiously on the balls of his feet. “It's fine, mate. Don't worry.” He put a hand on Kian's shoulder. “You can always come talk to me if you need to. It's fine.” He was holding a piece of paper. Shane saw it, peeking out of his closed hand. “That your speech?”

“I...” Kian opened his hand and looked down. The paper was neat, not like Shane's crumpled mess, but looked to have been folded repeatedly. There were creases criss-crossing it at stubbornly regular intervals like a patchwork quilt. “Yes. No. I don't think I can say it, you know? I'm not...” He shoved the paper back in his pocket. “Shit, I didn't think it would be this hard.”

“Do you want me to read it over or anything?”

“No. Yes. I don't know. It's sort of private, but then I think I've got to say it in front of everyone, so what's the difference? It seemed okay when I wrote it, but now I'm not sure.” He bit his lip. “What do you say, you know? I want to say everything I feel without saying anything... you know.”

“Yeah.” People were starting to sit back down again. Mark and Nicky were waving them over. “I think that's you, though.” He gestured at the main table, where the dreaded microphone was starting to make it's appearance. “There's not really anyone else left.”

“I know. I've been trying to stall. Shit.” Kian was fidgeting again, bouncing on his feet.

“Just talk.” Shane put a hand on his shoulder. Kian stilled, looking up. “Come on. You fucking love talking. You used to win all those poetry awards when you were a kid. You've sung in front of eighty thousand people You've been on the telly in front of the whole country.” He paused, watching that idea panic Kian even more. “Just say it to them.” He suggested. The room was going quieter. People were waiting. “You love them. Just tell them that.”

“I love them.” Kian nodded, reaching in his pocket for his speech again. He unfolded it. The words were handwritten, painfully neat, as though he'd shaped every word carefully.

“You love them.” Shane echoed, squeezing his shoulder and then letting go. He nudged the obviously panic-struck man in front of him, not sure what else to do. A waiter was passing, so he reached out, snagged a glass of champagne, and pressed it into Kian's hand. “Drink that.” Kian did, knocking the whole thing back in two gulps. Shane laughed, taking the glass from him. “Now off you go.”

“Okay. Yeah.” Kian nodded, turning back towards the happy couple. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Shane nodded, following him back to the table.

 

*

 

Kian wasn't up next. That honour went to Nicky's mother, who was rather drunk, but said she was glad Nicky was happy and then proceeded to hug Mark hard, to the boy's obvious surprise. He hugged her back, though, accepted a kiss on the cheek, and then smiled bemusedly when Nicky took his hand. There were tears in Nicky's eyes, Shane suspected he was the only one who'd spotted them, but they were there. There was a general buzz of laughter, and then Kian stood up, swallowing hard.

“Erm...” He tapped the microphone, winced at the loud feedback. Swallowed again, one hand unfolding his speech. “Hi. So...” He stopped, glancing at Mark. A hand reached up to take his, and Kian gripped it hard. “Hi. I wanted to...” He shook his head, stared at the speech again, then shrugged, shoving it back in his pocket.

“So a couple of years ago I went through a really weird time in my life.” He said finally. His voice was quiet, but it echoed through the room, amplified and heavy. “I had a lot of stuff I needed to sort out, and I wasn't coping too well with a lot of things. I'm not going to go into it, but I was...” He shook his head. “Anyway. I didn't know what to do, and then one night... Mark and Nicky invited me in. It wasn't an inconvenience or anything, they just turned around and... I don't even think they realised how I felt. I don't think I realised how I felt, but they...” He looked at Mark again, their hands squeezing tighter. “It meant the world to me. They love each other so much, and they were willing to share that with me. To let me be part of their lives. I don't think I've ever thanked them properly for that. I don't think I've known how to.”

Nicky moved, suddenly, standing and sitting back down into the chair Kian had vacated when he stood to give his speech. As Shane watched, Nicky's hand reached around his back, closing around the wrist of the hand Mark was holding. Kian watched him move, and when Nicky gave him a grin, he laughed, the soft chuckle filling the room.

“Hey.” He smiled down at Nicky.

“Hey.” Nicky said back, the microphone not catching his voice. For not the first time, Shane realised there was something there he couldn't understand. Something he couldn't be a part of. Something secret and meaningful that could only ever exist between the three of them. Kian turned back towards the room.

“So I guess when I got asked to be best man it was... a surprise. I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt like I meant as much to them as they mean to me. They mean the world to me. I love them, and I'm so proud of them. They're my best friends, and the fact that they get to spend the rest of their lives together gives me a bit of hope, you know. That everything can work out okay as long as you work hard enough and love someone with your whole heart like they do. I know everyone sees them and thinks they know them, when they see them at work, or in the paper, or in the pub, but you don't get to see the stupid little moments.”

“It looks easy, but you don't see how hard they work all the time. How often they say 'I love you' to each other, how they make sure they remember to say it every night before bed, and every morning when they get up. How they make it not look like work, because it's worth it to both of them. How Mark will get a blanket when Nicky falls asleep on the couch, or how Nicky will be making a fry-up when he knows Mark's about to wake up hungover.” There was a laugh, and Mark stuck his tongue out, glaring when Nicky punched him lightly on the shoulder. “And if you've ever seen them make a cup of tea together, you'll know it's practically telepathy. Like they're dancing with each other...” Kian trailed off, looking down at the hands curled in his.

“I love them.” He bit his lip. “They've been there for me through a lot, and more importantly, they've been there for each other. I've seen them fight, I've seen them in some times where things were tough and they looked like they didn't know how to keep going, but the other one was always there, giving them a hand up. I've walked in on a few things that gave me a bit of an education...” Everyone laughed, but Shane saw Nicky's eyes sparkle, and Mark squeeze his hand, winking at his husband. “But I've never thought for a moment that they were anything but meant to be together.”

He took a deep breath, looked at the room. “They're the best people I've ever met. I only hope that someday I can be that lucky, to have someone who just get me, who takes everything that's me and makes it a part of them. They're not just a couple, they're an inspiration, and the fact that people might think that there's something wrong with that is amazing to me. How could you look at two people like this and not think it was totally right?”

“At the start I thought about finding a lyric or a line from a poem or something, you know? I couldn't sum them up in words. But it all seemed too small. There's no words to explain how they are, who they are. They don't need me to do that for them, anyway.” Shane watched Kian bite his lip. “So, I should say 'to Nicky and Mark' right about now, but I don't know that there's much point. They love each other. They don't need me to tell them that.” He looked down, at Mark first, then Nicky, a grin breaking out over his face when Nicky grabbed his thigh and hugged it playfully, biting his hip. The watching guests laughed. “Piss off, Nix. I'm trying to talk here.” Mark grabbed his other leg, all three of them giggling. “God, okay. I'm guessing this is the wind-up. So to Nicky and Mark. Because I love the hell out of them.”

“Nicky and Mark.” Shane chorused, laughing when the two boys stood up to hug Kian, each kissing a cheek.

 

*

 

Cake came, a massive red confection with white sugar beads strung about it and passionfruit-flavoured flowers cascading down the side. It was delicious. Nicky fed Mark some, then dotted cream on his nose and licked it off, laughing when Mark did the same to him. Kian picked up his plate and disappeared out on the balcony, and Shane thought about following him for a moment, but then Mark stood up and went instead, his hand already fishing a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket.

“Do you know if Kian's alright?” Nicky said quietly, poking at his cake. Shane looked at him, saw the just-married euphoria settling into his features, the cheerful, tipsy softness in his eyes, and shrugged.

“Yeah, I think so.” He nodded, glancing at the balcony door. He couldn't see them out there – there was a curtain in the way – but he figured Kian was probably in good hands. “I was talking to him before. He said he was really happy for you lads.”

“Okay.” Nicky smiled at the large chocolate wedge on his plate. “God, I'm so fucking happy I want to explode.”

“I'm glad.” Shane said simply. “Look, I didn't understand everything at the beginning, but I'm glad you two have each other. I meant what I said, you know? Thank you for having me as best man.”

“Thanks for being best man.” Nicky looked up, then leaned over to hug hum. Shane hugged back, feeling a soft kiss dot his ear for just a moment, then pull away. “I'm sorry if we made you feel invisible.”

“I'm not.” Shane shook his head. “I didn't mean it like that. I'm glad I'm invisible some of the time. It means you're focusing on each other. God knows I don't think of you when I'm with my wife.”

“I should hope not.” Nicky joked. He nodded at the balcony door. “I'm going to investigate what those two are doing. Do you want to come?”

Shane nodded, standing when Nicky did and following them out onto the balcony. There was Mark, leant back on the railing, a cigarette between his fingers, awkwardly kicking at Kian's shins, and Kian, who was facing him, leant against the wall, laughing like he hadn't a care in the world, and trying to kick back.

“What's all this, then?” Nicky pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hey, Nico.” Kian turned his hips, trying to deliver a roundhouse kick that failed miserably when his target moved out of the way, making him stumble. Then Mark was in, punching lightly toward Kian's face with his free hand while the smaller man blocked it, laughing. “Mark's showing me his mad kung fu skills.

“Hidden talents, babe?”  
  
“Absolutely not.” Kian got him around the waist, and Mark grunted, bringing a knee up into Kian's thigh. Nicky handed Shane his cake and stepped in, grabbing Kian's waist and yanking him back, giggling when the two of them fell down. Mark laughed, tossing his cigarette in the ash tray and kicking at them lightly before falling on top of them, eliciting a squeal from Nicky when he was landed on.

They stood up a moment later, Nicky dusting himself off. Shane laughed, watching Mark readjust Kian's tie, which was badly askew, then dodge back when Nicky swiped at him, obviously still in the mood for a punch up.

Then they stood against the railing, Mark with his arm around Nicky's shoulders, Kian leant by them, his side pressed to Nicky's. Shane leaned in too, laughing when Mark's other arm came around him as well. There was a high, shrieking giggle, and Shane saw Nicole run past the door, a crayon clutched in her hand, Gillian following her while she sang something about flying a kite up to the highest heights. Already a performer, apparently.

There was no-one else there. Just the four of them. He looked up at the stars, watching the smoke from Mark's cigarette obscure them for a moment, then looked at the three men next to him. Nicky kissed Mark gently, his hand reaching down to link with Kian's

“I love you.” He heard Nicky whisper.

He looked back up at the stars again. And smiled.


End file.
